All In… Am I?

I sure needed to see this Daily Dose of Courage in my inbox today.  It seems that is one of the few ways I allow myself time to think about who I really am in Christ.  THIS, I say to my dear self, MUST change.  I have to dig deeper in love with Jesus.  I have to.  I can’t just keep working hard and doing stuff and think it’s going to happen.  Because it ain’t happenin’.  And it’s hurting my ability to fully engage in all the life my God has gifted me.

I’m not sure how that will happen yet, but I feel like, as that same song about the GoodGoodFather wakes me up at night, is with me over my first cup of coffee, as I run errands, over and over… the simple truth of that song speaks to me. And it seems to be a key to it all.  I hope it is. I pray it is.

But back to this quote… I have so much to say about what it really means about living with your whole heart, with your whole self.  I’ll get that someday.  But THIS…this wholehearted “talk” is, in my view of God and all that He’s done for us, all that His Story teaches us about Who He Is, and Who We Are… this wholeheartedness is what God meant by His Greatest Commandment:

Listen, O Israel! The Lord is our God, the Lord alone. And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your strength. And you must commit yourselves wholeheartedly to these commands that I am giving you today. Repeat them again and again to your children. Talk about them when you are at home and when you are on the road, when you are going to bed and when you are getting up.Tie them to your hands and wear them on your forehead as reminders.Write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.

The way He loves us is how He expects us to love… wholeheartedly… with our whole selves.  Right now, I love HIM so deeply that it hurts, but my response is so wrapped up in doing, I’m plainly exhausted by it all.  And THAT, needs to stop.  I’m not taking care of the mind, soul, and spirit for all that my body is doing.  How can I really be living wholeheartedly for my God when my heart hurts, and I’m not being in His Presence so He can heal me?

What is my next step to finding the way back to Him?  To deeper love?  To being in His Presence, still to soak it all in rather than busy doing good.  I’m worn.  I dream but energy is zapped, painfully so.  I am unable to do what I need to do with my whole heart because my heart is not being nurtured. I’m doing a lot For Him? But…

What is my next step?